


get a little braver now

by jyanyongs (betamax524)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: (kinda), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Compliant, I guess???, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Slash, Slice of Life, i swear those last 2 tags make sense in this fic ahaaha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:48:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24215443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/betamax524/pseuds/jyanyongs
Summary: One of the first things Haechan learned when he entered SM Entertainment is that Johnny and Taeyong are a package deal. They’e best friends, and nothing comes between them. Not insane training hours, not even debuting months apart. They’re the one constant in the ever fluctuating concept that is NCT. Even when Johnny becomes roommates with Haechan, he’s still with Taeyong, by his side whatever chance he gets.But one day, everything changes.
Relationships: Lee Taeyong/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 46
Kudos: 385





	get a little braver now

At first, Haechan was excited to have Johnny as his new roommate. See, Johnny’s funny, Johnny’s cool, and most of all, Johnny actually vibes with his jokes and doesn’t have a metaphorical stick up his ass.

Of course, it would be better if Johnny was actually  _ in  _ their room half the time. It’s like almost every other day, or even daily, Johnny’s slipping out, telling Haechan he’ll be back later. Later usually means  _ much  _ later, when his eyes ache from staring at his game for too long, when Johnny laughs softly and tells him to go to sleep.

“Sometimes I forget we’re even roommates,” he snorts, turning his chair around to face Johnny who just walked into the room, “You’re never here, man.”

Johnny’s face shifts into something Haechan doesn’t recognize as he pads his way to his bed. “Taeyong gets lonely,” he murmurs, voice so soft it’s like he’s talking to himself. Haechan presses his lips together and turns back to his screen.

“You wanna play later?” he says, dropping the subject, and he hears Johnny chuckle.

“Sure, why not?”

***

Johnny’s  _ late,  _ and Haechan huffs. He barely sees him in their shared room, and now they can’t even hang out when he makes time. He pushes himself away from his desk with a grunt, moving his glasses back up his nose and pulling his pajama pants up a little higher and he walks out of the room. Taeyong’s room is just down the hall, and Haechan is sure that’s where he’ll find Johnny.

He knocks once, twice, but there’s no answer. The door’s unlocked, so he pushes it open, ready to complain.

But the room is dark, lit by the glow of a few candles, and Haechan sees them curled up on Taeyong’s bed, fast asleep. The light of the hallway slowly filters in past him, and he sees Taeyong gripping at Johnny’s shirt, fingers twisted in the fabric like he’s afraid Johnny will leave.

He doesn’t really get it, not yet, but he gets that this is something good, something to be left alone, something that means more than what he knows. So he closes the door quietly and shuffles back to his room, spending the rest of the night watching old fancams of himself until he feels his eyes trying to close on their own.

The next day, he waves away Johnny’s apology, easily lying that he had fallen asleep earlier than expected. The thankful smile Johnny gives him is proof enough that his white lie was worth it.

***

The thing is, Haechan already knows Johnny and Taeyong are close. He doesn’t think he’s ever seen them apart, being introduced to them as  _ Youngho and Taeyong  _ when he was a fresh faced kid. It was always the two of them, and everyone knew that, and eventually Haechan got used to it too. They’re best friends, in every sense of the word, and Haechan doesn’t doubt it one bit.

But Mark is  _ his  _ best friend, and even though he himself can be clingy and affectionate, he sure as hell doesn’t feel the need to keep his hand on the small of Mark’s back or around his waist. Doesn’t feel the need to literally be in Mark’s space 24/7, since they’d probably both lose their minds. Not like Johnny and Taeyong, who seem to be attached at the hip. Haechan is a gossip, and observant as hell, and he finds himself seeing things he thinks Johnny and Taeyong aren’t even aware of.

He sees the gentle way Johnny looks at Taeyong when he thinks no one else is looking. Sees Johnny rubbing a hand between Taeyong’s shoulder blades in the morning, Taeyong against the counter. Sees the way Johnny’s face turns soft when Taeyong yawns, letting his shoulders relax and slightly leaning against Johnny’s hand on his back.

Haechan watches that out of the corner of his eye, eating cereal at the table and aimlessly scrolling through his phone. He watches and he tucks those glimpses, those feelings, inside his chest. He watches and he quietly understands that this is something…  _ different,  _ something private and delicate he shouldn’t make fun of or intrude on.

He can tease Johnny about how he doggedly pursues Jaehyun, he can tease Taeyong about how easily flustered he gets when Jungwoo looks right at him because that’s all just fun. Just the product of having a bunch of guys in the same small space and leaving no room for anyone else.

And yeah, okay, he teases Johnny  _ and  _ Taeyong about how clingy they are, but he never brings up the way Taeyong gazes at Johnny with a bone-deep yearning in his eyes, never brings up this…  _ thing  _ between them that seems so strong yet so fragile at the same time.

***

One day someone knocks on his door, and Haechan opens it to see Taeyong, shyly peeking into his room— the room that Haechan shares with Johnny.

“Have you seen Johnny?” Taeyong asks, his voice soft and tired, a little hoarse. This close, Haechan can see the bags under his eyes, the small red marks of healing acne.

“He told me he was going out,” he says, moving aside to let Taeyong step into the room, “Didn’t tell me where he was going, though.”

A half-truth, Haechan thinks. Johnny told him he was heading to the bakery down the road to pick up some stuff, the bakery that Haechan  _ knows  _ is Taeyong’s favorite, and, well, he put two and two together. But he feels like it’s not his place to say, so he sits down beside Taeyong, starts talking about easy, meaningless things like the menu for dinner and Taeyong’s new Switch game.

Taeyong’s in the middle of complaining about sea bass or something when Johnny opens the door.

“Oh, there you are,” Johnny says, peeking into the room much like Taeyong did earlier, “I was looking for you.”

Taeyong smiles, tired but genuine, and it feels like he’s forgotten that Haechan is there beside him, his whole gaze focused on Johnny.

“Got you these,” Johnny says, bringing out a bag from behind his back. Taeyong’s eyes widen immediately as the scent of sweet pastries fills the room, freshly baked and still warm.

Johnny smiles, walking over to gently rest the bag on Taeyong’s lap, and Haechan wonders if this is what love is like.

Taeyong leans in and breathes deeply, inhaling the sweetness of the bag. He turns to look at Haechan, eyes smiling as he opens the bag and tilts it towards his face.

“Haechan-ah, you want some?” he says, “Pick whatever you want.”

Haechan laughs and shakes his head, pushing the bag back to Taeyong. He knows this isn’t for him, knows that this bag full of sweets is Johnny’s quiet way of saying  _ I’m always thinking about you  _ to Taeyong. He can always make Johnny buy him a snack later, as friends, as roommates, as hyung and dongsaeng.

When Taeyong manages to drag Johnny out of the room because  _ I’m not eating in your room, and you should have some too,  _ Johnny turns back to Haechan, mouthing a ‘thank you’, and Haechan smiles and gives him a thumbs up.

***

Sometimes Haechan visits the Dream dorms, craving some time with guys around his age. Mark’s always busy, but now it seems like he never gets more than an hour of downtime, so Haechan lets him use that time to actually sleep. God knows Mark needs it.

Hanging out with the other Dreamies is always fun, a stark contrast to being with the older members. Haechan sees messes that would have Taeyong dropping to his knees, and he jokingly bemoans how all they can seem to make is instant noodles and heated up canned food. But it’s all in good fun, getting to just joke around, eat junk food, and play video games for most of the day.

It’s so much fun that he doesn’t realize how late it’s gotten, and he reluctantly peels himself away from Jeno’s gaming chair and wishes them all a good night. Chenle snorts something about him turning into a  _ responsible hyung  _ and Haechan pretends to gag.

Back at the 127 dorms, everyone’s mostly shuffled into their own rooms, winding down for the rest of the night. He opens the door to his room, expecting emptiness again, only to find Johnny sitting on his bed, laptop propped up on his lap.

“Where have you been?” Johnny asks, one eyebrow quirked up. He says it so simply, so self-assured, as if Haechan owes him some sort of explanation. Haechan huffs, because it feels pretty fucking unfair that Johnny thinks he can ask him so easily. Haechan minds his own business and doesn’t ask Johnny about where he’s been. 

“Oh, so  _ now  _ you know who you’re rooming with,” he mutters, shuffling to his closet to find a fresh set of clothes.

Through the mirror, Haechan can see how Johnny immediately shifts, shoulders squaring and brows drawing together. He remembers seeing Taeyong clutching at Johnny’s shirt like he never wanted to let go, and Haechan feels all gross and petty.

“Sorry— I,” he sighs, shaking his head, “I was at the Dream dorms. Forgot to text.”

Johnny relaxes, giving him a small, polite smile. “It’s okay. Sorry for acting like a strict mom,” he says softly, “Just got worried, y’know?”

“Maybe you should leave the mom act to Taeyong and Doyoung,” Haechan chuckles, and Johnny laughs too. Just like that, the issue is settled. After a quick shower, he flops onto his bed with a groan, eyes already falling shut. 

When Johnny softly tells him he’s going out for a bit, he just nods into his pillow, half-asleep.

***

Haechan stirs awake around 3 in the morning with a huff, because he really needs to go to the bathroom. Maybe five cans of Red Bull is a little  _ too  _ much, like Johnny always tells him.

Speaking of which, Johnny’s bed is empty, and Haechan stares at it, confused. He knows Johnny comes back late at night, knows this because he has fuzzy memories of Johnny tucking his blanket tighter around him and wishing him a good night.

He yawns loudly, and he decides he’ll just ask Johnny later.

He wakes up later to the sound of the shower running, louder than usual, and after a few minutes Johnny steps out. Haechan opens his mouth to greet him, but it’s like Johnny doesn’t even notice that he’s there.

Breakfast is  _ weird,  _ the room quiet as Taeyong walks past where Johnny is to sit at the opposite end of the table. Everyone exchanges confused glances, and quite a few people turn to Haechan for answers. All Haechan can do is shrug and mouth  _ no idea  _ as Johnny picks at his food beside him.

They all make awkward attempts at starting conversation, but it all falls flat without Johnny’s jokes, without Taeyong’s laughter.

Eventually Taeyong stands up, the sound of his chair moving back breaking the tense silence. “We have practice in a few hours,” is all he says before turning away to the kitchen.

Haechan thinks he hears Johnny scoff, but maybe he’s just imagining things.

***

Dance practice later that day is even weirder. Taeyong acts like somebody spit in his breakfast, mouth pressed into a thin line as he squints at everyone in the mirror. He’s way snappier than he usually is too, making everyone start from the top for every small mistake his eyes catch.

“Johnny,” Taeyong says suddenly, holding up a hand to make everyone stop, “Don’t think I didn’t see you skip that count.”

Haechan gulps. Johnny’s usually the one who tells Taeyong to calm down, who helps him get out of his thoughts for a moment so they can all rest. Haechan finds himself praying that Johnny comes through, because he can already feel his limbs aching.

But Johnny just clenches his jaw and nods his head the smallest bit, refusing to look Taeyong in the eye.

Taeyong huffs, turning his attention back to the mirror. “From the top,” he says, and Haechan has to hold back a groan.

Practice continues like that for the next few hours or so, and Haechan can see everyone struggling to keep up by the third hour. But they all bite their tongues, because if Taeyong catches one of them complaining, they know everyone will have to pay. Somewhere along the fifth or sixth hour, Haechan meets eyes with Taeil as they’re getting in formation, and he wordlessly begs him to get Taeyong to  _ relax.  _

Taeil sighs. “Taeyong-ah,” he says, and everyone stops, “Let’s rest for a bit?”

Taeyong looks at him through the mirror, face pinched together as if it’s the craziest idea he’s ever heard.

“We can continue this tomorrow,” Taeil says gently, “You’re tired.”

Taeyong closes his eyes and sighs deeply. Everyone holds their breath, watching to see how Taeyong will react.

Everyone except Johnny, who has his gaze focused on his shoes, and nothing else.

“You’re right,” Taeyong says softly, whole body sagging as he sits down on the floor. With a wave of his hand, everyone starts to get ready to leave, stretching their aching limbs. They all pass by Taeyong before they go, thanking him and telling him to take care of himself.

Haechan is in the middle of trying to convince Mark to let him play games with him in his room when he sees Johnny get up, completely passing by Taeyong. He sees Taeyong turning to look at him, body going stiff, until Doyoung puts a hand on his shoulder and pulls him back.

***

“That practice felt more like torture,” Haechan groans, flopping dramatically onto Mark’s bed.

“Dude, right?” Mark says, “I’ve never seen Taeyong act like this. I can barely feel my legs.”

Haechan sighs. rolling over to stare at the ceiling and stretch his limbs. “Johnny’s really weird too.”

Mark frowns. “Yeah… Do you think him and Taeyong fought?”

“That’d be a first,” Haechan says wryly, “Those two  _ never  _ fight.”

“I mean, you never know, man,” Mark shrugs, “We’ve fought before.”

“But we were  _ kids,”  _ Haechan points out, “You’d think with how old they are, they wouldn’t fight like this.”

Mark sighs, lying down on his bed, his head almost hitting Haechan’s. “Maybe it’s more than a stupid little fight,” he says sadly.

Haechan stares up at the ceiling, because he knows Mark is right. The thing is, he doesn’t  _ want  _ him to be right. Because the thought of Johnny and Taeyong, self-proclaimed soulmates, getting into a fight this bad has his stomach dropping. Because Johnny and Taeyong are constant, unwavering. Because their bond breaking would change  _ everything,  _ and that’s what scares Haechan the most.

***

Johnny and Taeyong continue ignoring each other for the next few days, and the rest of them find themselves having to fill in the places their bond used to fill. Taeil takes it upon himself to be a little more insistent, a little more leader-like, herding them all together when Taeyong seems too absorbed in his own thoughts. Yuta too, even if a bit reluctantly, suddenly has to fill in for his same-age friends. 

Haechan tries to help too, mainly by not teasing the members much, Doyoung especially. Because he sees how Doyoung’s trying to talk to Taeyong, how Taeyong walks away from every conversation with a frown as Doyoung sighs.

Doyoung thanks him one night after dinner, knocking on the door to his room and slipping him a can of Red Bull. “Don’t tell Johnny I got you this,” he tries joking, but it falls flat with how tired he sounds. Haechan can only nod, mumbling a thanks before Doyoung closes the door.

***

Later that night, Johnny stumbles into their room after going out with Jaehyun and Yuta. He’s obviously drunk, flopping down face-first into his bed. Haechan watches him, eyes peeking out over the top of his phone.

Just as he thinks Johnny’s probably passed out, Johnny shifts and sighs.

“Hyuck-ah… I fucked up.” he mumbles into his comforter.

“This is about Taeyong, isn’t it,” Haechan says, putting his phone down. It’s not a question.

Johnny’s limp form tenses up, and he pulls his head up to send a look at Haechan, and that’s when Haechan knows he’s right. He stares right back at Johnny with a raised brow, waiting for him to speak up.

Johnny holds his gaze for a moment, face unreadable, before sighing dramatically and rolling onto his back.

It feels like forever before Johnny speaks again, arm slung over his face. “It’s just… not easy,” he murmurs, “It’s not easy for other people to show affection like you do.” He sounds so defeated, and Haechan can’t even say anything to try and comfort him. Because he doesn’t get what Johnny _means._

Because he thinks Johnny is already really affectionate as is. Johnny who doesn’t hesitate to hold the other members close and lift them up in celebration, Johnny who always has a hug ready for anyone who asks.

So does Johnny mean Taeyong then? But Taeyong is affectionate too, a little too clingy even.

Haechan thinks. 

He thinks about the way Taeyong fits almost perfectly against Johnny’s side, like he’s meant to be there. He thinks about how the distance between them now feels like a black hole, nothing but emptiness.

“Look, whatever it is, everyone knows something’s not right,” Haechan says, “Neither of you are doing a good job of hiding it.”

Johnny’s shoulders sag with a sigh. “I know,” he says, muffled into his pillow.

Haechan stares at him, stares at the slope of his back, stares at the way his hair sticks out and he  _ thinks.  _

He thinks about Taeyong’s gentle smile, thinks about his tender heart, thinks about how whatever’s going on between him and Johnny is probably crushing him from the inside out.

“Why don’t you just say sorry?” Haechan asks quietly.

“It’s not that easy,” Johnny slurs, “Go to sleep.”

Haechan bristles, because if there’s anything he hates, it’s being ordered around and treated like a child.

“No, it  _ is  _ easy,” he says, “This is Taeyong we’re talking about! You’re probably just being stupid, because I know he’ll always forgive you.”

Johnny tenses up. “You wouldn’t understand,” he spits, and he pointedly snaps the light out.

“Coward,” Haechan mumbles to himself, turning back to his phone. Coward. That’s what Johnny is. He’s annoyed and frustrated and tired, and so is everyone else, tired of how the tension weighs thick in the air between them. Can’t Johnny see that everyone else is having a hard time too? Taeyong’s running the dorms like the marines, impatient and restless, turning into somebody he’s not.

And Johnny just stands there, just lets everyone bear the weight of whatever mistake he made because he’s a fucking  _ coward.  _

He groans, running a hand over his face. He’d rather deal with Doyoung and Yuta arguing any day. At least  _ they _ made it clear, exchanging barbs and pointed glances, until it all came to a head and they blew up at each other during dinner.

But they made up in the end, hiding away in the old dorm balcony, and Haechan, the gossip that he is, remembers sneaking a peek of Yuta stubbornly holding back his tears.

He’d rather have that, he thinks, loud table-smacking anger, arguments that were clear and defined. Not… whatever this is between Johnny and Taeyong, this weird silent treatment that leaves everyone nervous and hesitant.

The two of them are pretending that everything’s okay, which is laughable because if there’s any one constant in their life as NCT, it’s that Johnny and Taeyong are always a team, always by the other’s side. To lose that is like losing balance near the edge of the stage, teetering into a dangerous rift that nobody understands.

***

The next day, Haechan asks Taeyong if he’s doing alright. Taeyong brushes him off with a  _ don’t worry about me, just tired,  _ but Haechan can see that his smile doesn’t reach his eyes.

He quietly makes dinner for Taeyong that night, cooking up a storm in the kitchen with all the side dishes he knows Taeyong likes. It’s the least he can do, he figures.

When Taeyong sees the food, he looks like he’s about to cry, eyes wet and shining. It’s then Haechan realizes that this is something Johnny would do— has done— for him. Because Johnny was always the one checking on him, Johnny was always the one dragging him out of his room to eat, because Johnny was the one who took care of Taeyong when he forgot to take care of himself.

_ Johnny’s a fucking coward,  _ he thinks.  _ Too scared to see how much Taeyong is hurting too.  _

Haechan shuffles closer to him, wrapping his arms around Taeyong’s waist, and he pretends he doesn’t hear Taeyong trying his best to hold back his tears.

***

But Taeyong, for all his softness and sensitivity, is stubborn as all hell, staunchly refusing to even breathe in Johnny’s direction even after a whole  _ week _ . Doyoung mutters that Taeyong’s acting like a child, and Haechan agrees. Over the weekend he sees the other members talking to Johnny, since they’ve all figured they’re not getting anywhere with Taeyong. 

There’s Doyoung, who corners him in the kitchen, voice low and brows furrowed. There’s Jaehyun, pulling him aside during a break from practice, hands tight on Johnny’s arms. Even Taeil steps in, talking to him with worried eyes.

Eventually, someone gets through to him, and on Sunday night, Haechan is alone in their room. Johnny followed Taeyong to his room right after practice, persistent even in the face of Taeyong’s cold shoulder.

Haechan is a gossip, first and foremost, and he can’t help that he feels personally invested in whatever drama Johnny and Taeyong have going on. So of course, he sneaks out, tiptoeing down the hall to Taeyong’s locked door.

But when he presses his ear to the door and hears soft hiccups that sound like crying, he turns and walks back to his room, shutting the door and burying himself under the covers.

He puts on some playthrough of a game he doesn’t have time to finish, but ten minutes into it he realizes he doesn’t know what’s going on in the video. Sighing, he sets his phone aside and stares up at the ceiling. He stares and stares and stares, and Johnny doesn’t come back.

Before he passes out, he can only hope that this means Johnny and Taeyong are trying to settle things.

***

Everyone is on edge at breakfast the next day, waiting for any sort of answer. Things are still tense and awkward, but at least this time Taeyong doesn’t go out of his way to sit far away from Johnny. They’ve both got deep bags under their eyes, and if Haechan squints, Taeyong’s eyes still have the slightest hint of red.

After breakfast, Haechan reluctantly brings the dirty dishes into the kitchen, only to see Johnny push into the space of the sink next to Taeyong. He stays rooted to that spot, not wanting to make any movement, any sound that could ruin this moment.

Taeyong looks up, and a soft, tentative smile comes immediately after. Johnny’s shoulders relax, and it’s not much but it’s enough to make a heavy weight fall off Haechan’s chest. He quietly leaves the dishes on the island counter behind them, and when he peeks into the kitchen again, they’re doing the dishes side by side.

***

While they’re getting on the van to head to the studio, he catches Taeyong pressing a hand against Johnny’s arm, for just a moment, so quick that he wonders if he’s seeing things.

Johnny makes an absolutely cheesy joke during the trip that makes him— and honestly everyone else— cringe, but Taeyong snorts and starts laughing. It’s nervous, a bit awkward, but it’s  _ real,  _ and Haechan sees everyone’s shoulders relax in a silent sigh of relief.

It’s not yet back to normal, but it almost is. They’re still tiptoeing around each other, still hesitant, but they actually  _ look  _ at each other now, and there’s no anger in their eyes.

***

Monday night, Haechan shuffles down to the kitchen to grab some snacks for him and Mark. There’s a lump on the couch, and when he comes closer, he sees that it’s Johnny. Johnny, covering almost all of Taeyong to the point only his limbs and the top tufts of his hair peek out.

It doesn’t take a genius to understand what Taeyong’s hands tangled together on the back of Johnny’s neck mean. And when Haechan hears Taeyong whisper Johnny’s name like it’s a prayer, well, he doesn’t need to be a genius to know that he has to leave them alone, snacks be damned. 

Mark gives him a confused look when he walks back into his room with nothing, but Haechan just shakes his head and laughs softly.

“I think Johnny and Taeyong will be okay.”

***

Johnny shows up to breakfast the next day with questionable marks on his neck and his hair a mess. 

“Oh thank  _ fuck,”  _ Yuta groans, “Took the two of you long enough.”

Haechan thinks Johnny deserves the barrage of wolf whistles and hooting the rest of the older members give him, at least for all the stress he’s put everyone through. He sees Taeyong hide his face into his bowl of rice, ears going red, and Haechan snorts into his spoon.

Yup. Doesn’t take a genius to figure out what  _ that  _ means.

When breakfast ends and everyone starts cleaning up, Haechan catches Johnny leaning down into Taeyong’s space, one hand on the small of his back like before— like  _ always—  _ and Haechan smiles.

Yeah. They’ll be okay.

_ End. _

**Author's Note:**

> thank you to zuzu for giving me this idea and motivating me, and to flav for kicking my ass into actually finishing this fic <3
> 
> twt: [jyanyongs](https://twitter.com/jyanyongs)


End file.
